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Emek Emek
Emek Emek is an unstoppable force, the first and biggest mistake. He is a demented beast of burden. He is our disgusting son. We cannot kill him. Appearance He is the human equivalent of a hairy mole on your anus. Coated in shit, a cyst on your ass. He looks like an average Turkish man, but he is exceptionally hairy and even more difficult to kill. He is covered in a thick layer of fur, much like an ape. It makes one wonder if he produces the cries of an ape. Removing his shirt results in an excruciating death. So much as a glance at Emek Emeks nipples will cause you to go blind, and vaporizes the marrow from within your bones. Your anus will prolapse and your genitals will invert. Emek Emek is fond of feet, as a concept. He will often attempt to show his feet to the female employees of Monarch Labs. His toes are told to be long, hairy, and coated in shit. Emek Emek is capable of portraying only one emotion. His face is constantly frozen in the expression of a disgruntled and disheveled grandfather. Personality Emek Emeks personality is near impossible to describe. He embodies every past and future natural disaster, and carries their power tenfold. How does one summarize a being as powerful as Emek Emek? It is simple. Emek Emek. Behaviour Emek Emek spends most of his time browsing sites such as Facebook, AshleyMadison, Tumblr, MySpace, YahooAnswers, Google, and online sex chatting websites. If you ever encounter Emek Emek on one of these websites, throw your computer away. On said websites, he is often found searching for Sexy Foot Women to become his Foot Slaves. He keeps these women in his basement, we are not sure what exactly he does. In addition to our daily attempts on his life, Emek Emek can often be found making attempts on his own life. Nothing has worked to this date. His last attempt (heroin overdose) is the closest he ever got. He only recently woke up. We wish he was gone. Emek Emek fucks. History Emek Emek was born during the events of the fictional novel, The Bible. He shook the hand of Christ. He was at the crucifixion. He laughed as the soldiers whipped Christs bubble-butt. After the crucifixion, he dug himself a shallow grave, and slept until 2006, only awakening once he was ready to rain chaos down upon the world. His first plan of action was inseminating Alex Jones's mother, creating the ultimate Soldier of Justice and Truth. Second, he voted for Donald Trump. Do not ask how he did either of these things, we are not sure. He will not tell us. After setting Donald Trump and Alex Jones loose unto the Earth, he returned back to his slumber, where he slept until 2019. Upon awakening for the second time, Emek Emek created an account on AshleyMadison, to cheat on his wife. He met many a Foot Slave, resulting in their eventual divorce. We have since contained him. His needs are complicated, and he requires one human toe a day. Trivia * Emek Emek has a confirmed kill count of 59. If there are any more victims, we do not currently know of them. * Emek Emek has had sex with Donald Trump. He has the tapes to prove it. * Emek Emek is a true creep. A real freak. We do not like him. * Emek Emek has 6 children, we only like one of them. It's not Travis. Fuck Travis. * Emek Emeks favourite songs Billy Jean by Michael Jackson, and Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffett. * Emek Emek believes he is Michael Jackson reincarnated, despite being born much, much earlier than him.